Approach Excuses (aka Anxiety)

The number one barrier that prevents guys from talking with/meeting/dating hot chicks is this very real mental barricade called approach anxiety.  Simply put it is the inability caused by fear to approach the opposite sex especially when the motives are for that of a sexual or relationalship basis.

Not all guys have approach anxiety. But most do.  Some guys are comfortable going up to people they don’t know and talking to them while the rest exhibit “deer in the headlight” experiences every time they try.

This inability to act is something that must be overcome by most anyone who wants to be successful in life.  While men use this as an excuse not to approach a women, most often times they forcefully blow past it when the need arises.  Been job hunting?  Tried telemarketing?  Ever applied for a tuition?  How about simply put renting a new apartment or buying a new house?  Each one of these decisions requires focus and desire and drive to make it happen.  What happens if you clam up and refuse to talk to the hiring director at a potential job.  How about claiming up during a sales appointment or telemarketing call?  If a dean is offering you a free scholarship are you too scared to enter his office and explain why you are deserving?  Rarely if ever!

It’s funny, with  most expectations in life we do the required to survive, thrive and most importantly make that shit happen.  Guys claim that meeting women is one of their top goals in life….well if that’s the case the why the hell are you willing to go on a job interview with a complete stranger yet you won’t approach a complete strange in public?  Social stigmata perhaps, but either way the honest truth is, as much as you try to lie to yourself, you don’t equate finding a date nearly in the vicinity of importance of getting a job, a house or any of the other daily life that requires you to suck it up.

So that that said and a little humility on your part lets work on subduing that anxiety   It’s not a cure and in most cases it’ll flare back up like a bad case of herpes.  Eventually you’ll get better at blowing by it quickly, but even the greatest still deal with it on a daily basis.

Let’s assume it’s a weekend and you’re on your way downtown to meet up with some friends and as much as you’ve pre-partied and prepared you still have that lingering feeling of approach anxiety.  Here’s what you can do!

The Drive

While listening to exciting beat pounding music might put you in the right mindset, in most cases you’ll be starting from level one when you make your approach.  How can you improve your chances to be over this anxiety before getting downtown?

Instead of listening to your favorite track or singing along to “Girls just want to have fun” there is a a much better solution.  Think of a family member or friend you haven’t talked to in awhile but always get great conversation out of.  Now give them a call and on the drive downtown just shoot the shit with them which will calibrate you to being in a more laid back and social mood.  Talk about anything!  It doesn’t really matter the subject so long as you’re talking and keeping a conversation going.  Just think….you’re killing two birds with one stone.  Initially you’re talking to someone you haven’t connected with in a few days, weeks or months and more importantly you’re being social and socially calibrating yourself.

When you finally get downtown park a few blocks away from your first venue.

The Voyage to your first Venue

Parking a few blocks away from your first locale is very important.  You’ve had the opportunity to begin your social calibration over the phone, however this was with someone you were well acquainted to and didn’t require much effort beyond the initial call.

Now your evening is situated in that of talking to complete strangers, especially women, so you have to step things up if you want to be anxiety free by the time you’re ready to begin!

Since you have situated yourself a few blocks from your intended venue, your next goal is to make small talk with 3-5 random strangers on your way there.  This doesn’t have to be single women or women at all, just start some conversation!  Do you have the time?  Do you happen to know which way Henry’s is?  Wow this weather was a little unexpected.  Whatever the topic, make it your goal to converse briefly with as many individuals you can on your way to the venue.  Anxiety should be low because you will most likely never see that stranger again tonight,  you are asking an innocent question, and most importantly you’re on a mission so their approval or lack thereof shouldn’t affect you at all!.

Reaching your Venue

You finally made it and hopefully you’ve talked with some complete strangers on the way.  Bum, business man, bicycle taxi….it doesn’t matter.  You made several conversational openers all backed by your initial phone call from a good friend while still in the car.  You’re ready to do this!

Things are starting to get serious.  If it’s later in the evening you’re expecting to start throwing your game very soon, however there is still a little more calibration needed to ensure you have very little, if any approach anxiety when you hit on your first target.

Approaching the club, be overly friendly with the door men and staff.  This is beneficial to you for two reasons.  First, you’re opening another individual and more importantly if you hit his venue consistently then most likely this is an individual you will want to be in good favor with.  Ask him about the evening, how his week has been….anything!  Yes he might be the key to your entrance into the club, however, he is also a human being and the same social principals apply.  Be friendly and who knows maybe you’ll be passing the line before you know it!

Inside the Club

There are two things you need to do once inside the club to ensure the complete destruction of anxiety for the night an also to make sure you set yourself up for potential social situations.

Find the nearest bar you would like to set as your homebase and approach the bartender working there.  You don’t need to drink, but more importantly you are trying to open dialog and get a name so later you don’t seem like a stranger.  Order something…..anything…..and then tip well.  This ensures you will be remembered, well liked and most importantly when you bring a girl to the bar you look like you are important.  Hell, many times I’ll just order a water and tip well.  They notice and they will appreciate!

Finally, with all said and done you need to start hitting on women.  While our goal was to remove all approach anxiety it’s likely there is still some.  Take this opportunity to approach 3 sets of any nature.  Mixed, multiple women, whatever!  The goal here is to acquaintance yourself with approaching and taking with women blindly to defeat whatever remainders of approach anxiety you have.  Don’t set any expectations but to have a interesting brief discussions.  Don’t worry you can always come back!  Additionally starting these sets early sets yourself apart from the other Chads at the bar given the fact that you are social, sometimes daring and most importantly not phased by bullshit social norm.

After these sets you should be fully acquainted and warmed up with very little to no approach anxiety.  This entire process took whatever time in the car which was unavoidable and perhaps and additional 20-30 minutes.

Now with no fear and playing off your previous successes….go have a wonderful if not amazing night!  Just don’t be afraid if you have to start all over tomorrow.  This isn’t something that vanishes in a day, week or even months!

1 Comment to Approach Excuses (aka Anxiety)

September 15, 2013

Brillant! Pity it wont’ work for no deafs!

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