Facebook Predicts When You’re Likely To Get Dumped

Facebook status updates can be creepy and revealing, but they can also help predict when you’re likely to find yourself dumped. Naturally, there’s good news and bad news to be found in the data.

David McCandless and his team looked at about 10,000 Facebook status updates and searched for patterns related to break ups. Their discoveries? You’re very likely to get dumped on Mondays, right before Spring Break, two weeks before Christmas, and at some point before the summer holidays.

The good news about the whole mess is that it seems that people feel quite bad about dumping someone right on Christmas Day, so you can breathe a bit easier while unwrapping your presents.

Unfortunately, the two weeks before Christmas along with those of Spring Break appear to be the most volatile of times for relationships with Mondays showing a very strong hand.  There are several reasons as to these statistics and hopefully I can shed some insight as to the reasoning for these.

Opportunity is king!  Many people settle for the relationships they’re in whether it be to stave loneliness or to feed the overall neediness many have in their dating careers.  Rather than be happily single and look for the right mate, many instead stay in an unhealthy situation for comfort while keeping an eye out for new opportunity.  They hope upgrade to or at least side-grade into something that feels fresh, exciting and different.  As soon as a better opportunity presents itself all that is left is to find a convenient time for the dumper to wash their hands clean of the old and fully enter the new.  Here are a few examples relating to the above statistics.

Mondays – A large populations of singles have made it a weekly regiment to go out to bars and clubs on the weekends.  Additionally more socially based plans happen over the weekend whether it be a vacation, ski trip, social gathering, etc.  Because this concentration of new options happens over the weekend, it is much more likely for one to meet someone they’re into during their time.  Infatuation being as strong as the desire to “drop that zero”, many commit to this new relation following up that weekend of possible debauchery or at the very least acute infatuation.  Mondays’ are typically seen as the start of a new week and what not a better time to commit to the change you’re feeling in you heart and loins.

Spring Break – This should be an easy one to explain and hopefully you all ready get it.  As mentioned, opportunity and selection are the king of dating and Spring Break is that time in the states where the temperatures have risen, rain clouds have begun to subside and many come out of their many months of hibernation.  In addition with the ramp up of Fat Tuesday and St. Patrick’s Day, Spring break is the killing blow to any reasoning as to why one shouldn’t get out of their shell and their home and start socializing.  With all of these holidays being heavily focused on drinking, skin, sin and partying it creates the perfect concoction of lubricant to do things one might otherwise wouldn’t and meet someone much better than your significant other, if only through your beer-goggle infatuated vision.

Weeks before Christmas – Now this is a tough one.  One would logically think that being alone for the holidays would be the most damning situation of loneliness short of the Hallmark sponsored Valentine’s Day.  Wouldn’t this be one time you would spend most your available time with your significant other?  Yes, unless you are sick to death of them or your family hates them.

Family first: many take into serious consideration the opinions of their family when it comes to dating, unless you are disowned or hate your family…you heathen!  Those with any small amount of self esteem and IQ can quickly realize if you’re family hates who you’re dating, more than likely they always will and that can make things uncomfortable for…well the rest of your life if you happen to marry them.  Dealing with the seething hatred of your family to your S.O. makes things a easy situation.  With the likelihood of dealing with them over Thanksgiving, Christmas and the majority of December, for many it’s easier to just end it than to play peacemaker in a battle you cannot win.

My second theory as to the amazing mass of breakups in December is the “I’m sick of your shit” realization.  While you may have been dating for months, for many of us 20 and 30 somethings we live very busy lives resulting in spending more time doing what you don’t and less time doing what you want.  One of the unfortunate sacrifices one must make in a time of deadlines and turmoil is to spend less time with those you’re dating.  (Back in my teens I’d spend 3-5 days a week with a girl I’m dating while now it’s rare to see her twice.)  The end of the year is the bulk of days off from work along with a much larger focus on family and spending time with them.  Many take advantage of this with their S.O. by shopping, trimming the tree, Christmas parties and generally spending too much time together resulting in the realization you could deal with “their shit” sporadically, but if you have to spend one more day dealing with their shit you’re ending it.  And well that’s what you do.  Unless you just met it’s likely the infatuation has run low and the more time you spend together the more you notices flaws and red flags you are unwilling to deal with.

Social media sometimes shows it’s use and data mining statistics like this show both the wealth of data and lack of privacy regarding Facebook and others.  It would be interesting you notice familiarity between your breakups and the chart above.

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