Online Dating of the Shrew


Today I offer you a real unfiltered glimpse at the dating minds of a trio of single women in Portland. This rare peak is thanks to the now defunct blog Dating in the Rose City which offers a portal into their thinking, dating habits and self esteem issues. They describe themselves as:

Attractive women with a lot to offer. Sure, we’re fickle, but isn’t everyone? We’re just trying to meet Mr. Right (or Mr. Tonight on the way to Mr. Right) and so here we are, sharing our stories of Dating in the Rose City. Share your own dating woes, ladies of Portland. We’re here for you.

Surprisingly, a huge portion of the blog revolves around Match.com experiences and one specific post truly uncovers the futility of internet dating to meet women. More importantly it shows that while women are difficult to approach in person due to their often judgmental and shrewish attitudes, the internet elevates this to levels you wouldn’t believe.

The anonymity of online dating coupled with an endless barrage of suitors from all corners of the country creates a false sense of self-esteem, desirability and overall market value. A woman whom might be a 5 in looks and personality suddenly revels in the fact that perhaps she really is a 10 and in turn acts accordingly.

One woman in particular complains of being stood up, having crappy dates, and unable to find men her age to date (she’s 38). All proof she indeed isn’t a spring catch but rather an indigent screw. Yet with the almost celebrity stardom Match.com has offered she now views herself as the perfect 10 and her attitude towards mens approaches sours as a result. Don’t get me wrong there are creepers en mass on dating sites, however this letter to men proves even if she understands this that the multitude of approaches from men has numbed her and raised her bitch shield. This is a similar reason why I stated that you want to approach women in bars early before the onslaught does a similar number on them. Enough dribble. On to the post.

Dear Match.com Men,

I am not desperate.

I meet men almost every time I’m out. I go on plenty of dates. I get kissed on a fairly regular basis. My profile is not on Match because I am hungering for male attention and any man will do.

I realize it takes guts to put yourself out there, and I respect you for doing so. But let me ask you a question: Would you walk up to a girl in a bar who is so obviously out of your league it’s not even funny, tap her on the shoulder and without so much as an introduction say, “Want to go out sometime?”

My guess is you answered “no”. Because of course you wouldn’t. (Well, unless you’re working the law of averages and know that at some point in time probability will be in your favor so you’re willing to take the abuse in the meantime.)

MATCH.COM DOES NOT MEAN THE PLAYING FIELD IS EVEN.

I’m sure your friends would say you’re a great guy. I’m glad to hear you like animals, since animals are rad. Knowing how to cook is great; now you’ll never starve to death. And yes, the beach IS pretty. I totally agree.

You’re swell, I get that. But listen. The cold hard truth is that even if we had 25 truly important things in common, I am not going to date you just because I am on Match.com. I am out of your league. Period.

Reality bites, but it always applies.

One commenter put it better than I could:

I see what you’re saying, but you might have stumbled upon the reason you’re not finding a worthy companion.

I’m not suggesting that you should lower your standards and date trolls, but other people – the fugly and the hot – are certainly picking up on your sense of superiority.

Everyone with the capacity to be a fun and loyal partner will be turned off by that superior tone immediately, from across the room or through reading what you write for a few minutes. It’s not because they can’t stand someone better than them. It’s because people who express that tone are usually compensating for inner weakness. Strong people pick up on this subconsciously, and move on to someone who really is strong.

By contrast, people who never enjoy functional relationships will be happy to play along with you as long as they’re getting something out of it. It’s also entertaining, so you might make some friends this way, but these people will suffer the same flaws as the relationship prospects who hang around for the same reason.

She later apologizes after specifically stating she wouldn’t but take it for what it’s worth.

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