Phone Number Hell

Many new to the dating scene hit the bars with abandon with the sole focus of success being getting that of the coveted phone number.

While getting the digits is a necessary skill to progressing from the initial meet up to that of substance, many put the sole focus on specifically that: the number.  While it may feel like a markedly successful night heading home with a fist full of numbers, you’ll soon realize that which most of us have known which is “numbers don’t mean shit”.

Now don’t get me wrong.  Unless you’re going home with the woman or know you’ll run into her again, the number is a necessary evil to continue the interaction.  The challenge is making sure said number is gold as opposed to pyrite destoying the chances of ever seeing her again.

So how can a coveted and hard worked for number suddenly become fools gold?  Here are the landmines you’re hoping to avoid.

1) The number is fake
2) The number is real, but you end up in voice mail hell as she never answers the phone
3) She answers the phone and doesn’t even know who you are
4) She answers the phone and suddenly blows you off
5) Many times 3 and 4 eventually result in voice mail hell

Voice Mail Hell: the undesirable situation where you have a genuine number from a girl you met however no matter when you call or text you are rewarded with absolutely no response whatsoever.  You attempt to leave increasingly witty and non-needy voicemail/txts with nothing to show but wasted time and a bruised ego.

I’m sure everyone has been in this painful situation of quickly realizing your attempts are futile and finally giving up.  She must be a bitch you proclaim for leading you along like a dog to a treat, only to have it snatched away forever and your whimpers unheard.  “How could she do this to me?  What did I do wrong?  Hell, why does this always happen?” you’ll likely ask.

What if I told you that there are dozens of factors resulting in this nothingness of a number, many of which began the moment you approached her up until the point of getting the number?  Falsity? Think again!  You very well might be sabotaging yourself from the start and not even aware of it.

Before we get into the intricacies of making a number golden, we need to look at the leading factors of them not working in the first place.  The reasoning behind women giving out their number with reckless abandon might very well shock you and more importantly make no sense to the male mind.  You’d expect she’s giving you the digits because she likes you, however more likely than not it’s so she never has to hear from you again.

The Fake Number

When alcohol and egos combine, man has an amazing ability to become ignorant to hints and unbelieving to directness.  Most times a guy is approaching said woman in a bar to make the moves and eventually get her number.  Women are well aware of this.  Being shot down many times can lead into plowing wherein the guy continues his attempts until he is either successful or slapped.  Contrary to popular belief most women aren’t complete bitches, and while wanting to be left alone won’t turn into a raging psychopath to thwart your advances.  They assume you’ll get the hint and when you don’t they are in fact backed into a very uncomfortable corner.  Either she has show her claws until you get the hint or can just give you a number knowing you’ll merrily go on your way.

In her shoes which is the path of least resistance?  She gives you a fake number, you feel you won her over and in reality she’s just shot you down completely unaware.

Maybe you weren’t plowing, maybe you were genuine, however because of past experience she made a snap judgement call and gave you a fake number.  Could this had been avoided?  Yes and we’ll cover that later.

She Never Answers the Phone

Why would a woman give you her real number yet never answer the phone?  You’d be surprised to find out it’s very possibly the same exact reason I mentioned above.  My sisters along with many female friends have admitted to giving out their number to a guy simply to end the interaction.  It’s easier than shooting them down and so long as they don’t answer the phone they’ll never have to worry about talking to them again.  Why not give a fake number instead?  Making up a fake number can be difficult and many times the guy will call them right there to ensure he got it right.  You’d think this was a smart move on his part, however now they can save that number as “Douche #3″ and avoid answering it until the guy gives up.  Simple yet effective.

She Answers Yet Doesn’t know who you are

The transition from meeting the women at the bar to talking to her in a few days has many pitfalls, one of which is she’ll completely forget who you are.  First impression is everything however it doesn’t guarantee a lasting one.  You very well might have been one of many men she met over the weekend and because of a short or forgettable interaction you never seriously piqued her interest or were quickly forgettable.  If you had a quick conversation prior to grabbing her number and ejecting she has no reason to differentiate you from the other suitors of the weekend.  Because of the fact you never moved from flirting to a more serious level you remain a distant memory of an alcohol fueled evening.  Saving face at this point is difficult if not impossible because if she wasn’t left intrigued and looking forward to your call, it’s less likely you’ll be able to reignite said flame over the phone and get her to commit to a date with someone she can’t even remember.

She Answers and Blows you Off

This one can be difficult to telegraph and sometimes impossible to save.  Many times women go out for a fun evening with their friends and after a few drinks the night turns into a blur.  Worse she loses inhibition and does something she wouldn’t normally and when sobering up regrets the night.  No matter how great of an impression you might have made, if she considers the previous night a regret, you suddenly are balled up with it.  You might had been the best thing going for her that night, but had she had a moment turning that evening into a regrettable night you can very well get lobbed in there.  Embarrassment is something many women can’t handle gracefully and it’s many times easier to write and entire evening or weekend off then try and find the diamond in the rough.

So there you have it.  The many ways a phone number can quickly dematerialize into a wasted effort and a introspective of what you might have done wrong.  While even the best of us can run into these hurdles there are key moves one can use to diminish the likelihood of these number turning into flakes.

Check back next article where I’ll lay out an easy to follow method to make sure any number you get at a bar is as solid as possible resulting in as many follow-up interactions as possible.

2 Comments to Phone Number Hell

July 26, 2011

these guy friends I know do this.
As a pua when dating or relationshiip. Should a guy lock his cell ? Or no ?


June 7, 2012

Yeah. The guy should lock the his cell
He’ll never know what’s gonna happen next if he doesn’t lock his cell.

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