Cougar Alert: Pearl District

Came across this friendly warning downtown Portland this past weekend and thought I’d share the laugh with the rest of you. For those of you not in the know, it is referring to a type of woman and not a large feline.

cou·gar noun: An attractive woman in her 30′s or 40′s who is on the hunt once again at her usual hunting grounds of nightclubs, hotel lounges, and other friendly locations with young boy meat.

A More Complete Definition: A cougar is a common term used to describe single, older women who are on prowl. Cougars are usually easier to game than younger women, because they have been around the block a few times, and understand how the game is played, and also realize their declining market value on the sexual market place.

Cougars usually will not play the usual B.S. games that women in their early twenties participate in, because they know what they want. Cougars typically have a lot fewer issues with sex than younger women, and are a lot more open and aggressive about their sexuality.

There are different types of cougars within the cougar species genealogy. GQ has dedicated an article specifically for this archetype.

Real Cougars vs. Seductress Courgars

Real Cougars vs. Seductress Courgars

Types Of Cougars

First off, we must understand that there are certain types of cougars.

Cougar Type 1– The type of cougar that hooks up with young athletic-types (think Susan Sarandon in Bull Durham). She may settle for a less physical, more suave catch, but the point is, she thinks like a man in that she’s looking for the hottest-looking guy she can get — the female equivalent of a guy meeting the Swedish bikini team.

Cougar Type 2– The confused cougar that looks for easy sex, but really seeks a relationship man. She’ll tart herself up and come on strong, but right around the time things start to get intimate — either shortly before or after you know her in the biblical sense — she reveals herself to be a seeker.

Tread carefully and don’t get caught with type No. 2.

How To Spot A Cougar

She dresses quite suggestively, often younger than her age — she wants desperately not to look middle-aged.
Her clothes will generally be tight or low-cut — anything to make a guy notice her. From afar she might look like a young hottie, which gets guys to approach. Get close, see the wrinkles and makeup, and her true age becomes apparent — but by that time she’s already being flirtatious and has lured you into her lair.

She’ll often be a smoker (cigarettes are a sexy prop, and “got a light?” is a good approach) who dies her hair (blonde is most popular) and dolls herself up (seems to be sponsored by Revlon).

They often hang out in groups, acting as wingwomen for each other. On the other hand, given their considerable experience and resulting confidence, they will not wait for their friends to hit the bars. Logistically, it’s easier for an easily picked-up woman to fly solo.

She is very flirtatious. If you’re a guy on the market who’s remotely to her liking, you’d be hard pressed not to notice her suggestive comportment. She often makes the first move on men, coming on strong, so you have to do little work. She’s comfortable with herself — she has high confidence, like a Playerette.

I myself have never played the cougar game, however there are perks:

  • She understands their is a sexual commitment
  • She is low maintenance, doesn’t need fancy dinners or a man’s wallet
  • She isn’t looking for a marriage proposal or to get pregnant. (although condoms should always be a priority regardless)
  • She has life experience & can be a great teacher
  • She knows what she wants in & out of the bedroom!
  • She is likely at her sexual peak

Whether or not you adapt cougars into your game, beware of 11th and Glisan!

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