Is dating inherently beta?


I was asked an question from a frustrated guy whom after a seemingly perfect date is confused that it could have fallen apart to the all too familiar flake.

Met a girl recently – super cute, perfect body, just turned 23, originally from Russia, but came to the USA when she was 10 (exactly like me).
Our date was incredible – we drank, made out, and practicably had 95% of stuff in common. If there was ever a time where a first date would lead to a 2nd – this was it.

But yesterday evening – I get the most generic brush off text in history of brush off texts – “Hey I’ve been thinking that it’s probably best if we don’t go out again, I’m in the middle of figuring out grad school and may be going away soon and it’s just not smart, therefore I think it’s best we just stay friends”.

Now – I start thinking – where in this date did I go wrong? Physically – I was looking good that night, dressed well, plus I’m 6’2, so height has never been an issue. Work wise I’ve never come off as a chump, our conversation couldn’t have gone any better. I picked the activities we did that night and took the lead in all of them. There were literally no holes in my game that night.

bored-woman-with-boyfriend

My response after the break 

I think this might have something to do with your “we have 95% in common” comment.

If you have just met this girl, been on just a few dates, you should not have had conversations where you are already beginning to know everything about each other.

Yes, it’s amazing you’re both from Russia. The fact you both moved here at the same age is like fucking serendipity. The only issue is you are likely boring her with the obvious and leaving the aloofness/mystery completely at the curb.

People enjoy commonality but women who might be attracted to you prefer the unknown while slowly learning about commonalities you might have. I realize why you’d want to jump in head first because of how you finally met a chick you can completely relate with, but alas you didn’t realize the pool was only 5 feet deep.

Stop spending so much, continue being interesting and do your very best to always offer as little about yourself as you possibly can. The reward of her loyalty and availability is you slowly making yourself more open and forthcoming about yourself.

Drag it on as long as you can because when the mystery is gone the relationship is on life support. Look at many of the married couple.

I feel I was pretty dead on with my prognosis and seemingly the better a date goes in the mind of a guy the less intrigue and challenge ultimately exists for the woman, quickly losing her interest.

Be aloof, be confident, be awesome!

1 Comment to Is dating inherently beta?

Drew
June 11, 2013

It’s not just aloofness. This girl is also saying he’s not super valuable to her. She’s not in chase mode. Most likely because things “went so well” she quickly got the impression that she could have him, 100% to herself, any time she asked. BO-RING. Girls like to chase. No matter how stoked you are about a girl, give her something to chase. She will stay engaged.

Source: I have gotten this exact same text / email but ONLY from girls who I was 100% ready to lay it all down for. Never happened with girls who knew I had other options.

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