Why “Portland sucks for single men”

A few months back a short and slightly pedantic article was written by a local on why the dating market in Portland is anything less than stellar. While I am a fan of Roosh, his Return of Kings blog can be hit or miss as the majority of articles are written by a various mix of men in different areas of their lives.

Surprisingly this article got major attention at the /r/Portland section of Reddit and the white knights came out in full force. I’ll agree the article in question seemed emotionally driven, loose on fact and suspect in nature but some of the responses were entertaining if only further proof of the beta/feminist driven world.

I had written a retort and to my better judgement refrained from posting it to deaf ears. It resurfaced this week while I was cleaning up my files and I figured I’d share my insight into this and the quality of women in Portland.

Yes, I’ve already applied burn cream liberally.

Let me start out saying I enjoy this subreddit. I’ve met many on here and have absolutely nothing bad to say about any of you. You’re a fun crowd, make an effort to create a community and not afraid of leaving your basement for IRL socializing.

The problem I have is with this little circle jerk we’re having this week. For those of you in the dark it started with this post.

I’ve never seen something get so much attention let alone comments in such a short period of time. Furthermore people are making an effort for karma, personal attacks or just a pointless opposing post.

While the troll is strong on the internet and voicing your outrage a popular reaction, it is getting a little out of hand with the hivemind here.

First off, I’m not defending this post nor supporting it. I just think we need to calm down and come to an understanding that our city isn’t perfect as we’re all well aware. This guy is being lambasted as an misogynist, loser, ugly and everything in between for voicing his opinion. Last I checked the draw to Portland are the people who are so “understanding, unoffended and overall outstanding.” If that’s the case what’s with the pitchforks? Portlandia has been more offensive at our faults in a single episode than this post.

I’ve lived in Portland most my adult life and had the opportunity to move to Denver for a short stint and to be completely frank there are some very valid points whether you want to believe them or not.

  1. *The Weather – It’s not even worth really debating. Either you love it here or you hate it. Being a California native the rain was amazing! It still is. After living somewhere with 300 days of sun (Denver) you realize there is tons of overcast, drizzle and darkness during non-daylight savings time. I love the contrast from a perfect summer, but S.A.D. is a real deal and many people can’t handle our weather including some natives. I joke that everyone goes into hibernation from the day after Halloween until April at the earliest. It’s true for a large portion here.
  2. The Bums – We have a lot of bums especially in the summer. However, we call them “transients” or “street kids” as the culture and opportunities to a point promote this ideal of living, especially in the summer. You can’t deny it, the city/police don’t do much to change it and for someone who isn’t “native” it’s a bit of a strange ordeal.
  3. The Women – We’re humorously referred us as the single mother capital of the US. We have more strip clubs per capita than any other city and while I won’t say we don’t have fun, beautiful and interesting women, to an outsider many don’t fit the norm of other cities. Yes, there is more self expression in dress, body art, diet, sexuality and attitude. The difference is our alternative “keep Portland weird” culture and attitude doesn’t shun nor disrespect people like this. (A great thing!) Would I find a higher percentage of “attractive according to the hollywood/modeling” norm elsewhere? Definitely. I do at times appreciate the variety PDX offers. Could I see myself ending up with a bi-sexual girl with a large number of tattoos and piercings who won’t eat meat or dairy and refuses to wear a dress or heels? Probably not, but it doesn’t stop me from meeting and/or dating them. Long story short, the societal definition of attractiveness is debatable however if you were to compare the average, anybody at a Portland venue to one in say NY, San Diego, Austin, Orlando, Denver or many other places we fall behind. It’s likely this is because we are unwilling to “fulfill a defining forced mold of beauty” which is fine, but most other cities follow the accepted definition.
  4. Unfriendly People – This is another point I would have defended behemotely until I had the opportunity of an outside opinion. I realized the majority of my friends are transplants with the exception of school buddies. Portlanders are extremely pleasant, nice and to an extent welcoming. If I need directions, have a question or just want to start a conversation I believe we are the people most willing. The problem is while people in Portland are extremely friendly, they aren’t necessarily looking for friends. Any person I meet, I leave the opportunity open to make an amazing new friend. For many of the natives here it doesn’t go that far. I could never put my finger on it, but finally a few years back I did. People who have lived here all their lives surprisingly are still friends with many of the same people from high school, college or even earlier. As far as they are concerned they have their “circle of friends”, are content with them, and really see no reason to put in the time or effort to pursue a possible friendship with a stranger when all their social needs are being met with those they already know. Yes, it completely makes sense and I have no reason to fault them, but while I have the mentality of “I can never have too many friends” for many here it’s “I have my clique, they support/love me and I really don’t need anymore people in my life right now.” I was reminded of this just a few weeks back when I finally attended the weekly board game meetup. I had a date, ended up running late and was genuinely looking forward to making some new friends. I put effort into approaching group after group, introducing myself and offering conversation but it was quickly obvious I would be the spare wheel and had nothing immediate to offer the group. After half a dozen failed attempts I went home regretting wasting my free time with the only advice being “You should have come earlier.” Perhaps I should have and wanted, but the fact I wasn’t welcome to drop in, even as an observer after many attempts just solidified the above. Portlanders are more willing to let you into their clique when they need something: be it a friend, 4th player or someone to listen to. If their social needs are fulfilled there is little effort made to integrate or welcome a stranger into an otherwise coherent group that gets along.

In closing, I’m just trying to make this hypocrisy known. I expect extreme levels of disdain and hate directed at me for nothing more than my opinion. I hope it doesn’t end up that way as we are known to be some of the most opinionated people who are equally accepting. To me, it just felt that this insanity of pitchforks and disregard for and opinion became such a huge thing.

I’ve never met the guy who made the original post and likely won’t, but I felt a bit saddened that the people who are so known for their understanding and willingness to give anyone a voice would become so froth at the mouth when someone does exactly that which we preach.

Portland has a certain allure. While I’ve enjoyed living in other cities, sometimes more so, I reside here and need to make the best of it. Sure, there might not be as high of a percentage of “my time of women” however in retrospect there are also many less men of substance and value like myself. In short, if you’re willing to put in the work you can find and attract a 9. They just aren’t going to be around every corner so you have to be ready.

1 Comment to Why “Portland sucks for single men”

June 11, 2013

“or many here it’s “I have my clique, they support/love me and I really don’t need anymore people in my life right now.””

So, so true.

As a born-and-bred native you hit the nail 100% with this comment.

Portlanders are full. They have no hunger. Full stop.

It’s a great place to raise a family & kids. It’s a terrible place if you’re hungry.

Leave a comment