Night Game

Cougar Alert: Pearl District

June 13th, 2012 by Broadband

Came across this friendly warning downtown Portland this past weekend and thought I’d share the laugh with the rest of you. For those of you not in the know, it is referring to a type of woman and not a large feline.

cou·gar noun: An attractive woman in her 30′s or 40′s who is on the hunt once again at her usual hunting grounds of nightclubs, hotel lounges, and other friendly locations with young boy meat.

A More Complete Definition: A cougar is a common term used to describe single, older women who are on prowl. Cougars are usually easier to game than younger women, because they have been around the block a few times, and understand how the game is played, and also realize their declining market value on the sexual market place.

Cougars usually will not play the usual B.S. games that women in their early twenties participate in, because they know what they want. Cougars typically have a lot fewer issues with sex than younger women, and are a lot more open and aggressive about their sexuality.

There are different types of cougars within the cougar species genealogy. GQ has dedicated an article specifically for this archetype.

Read the rest of this entry »

Phone Number Hell

January 27th, 2011 by Broadband

Many new to the dating scene hit the bars with abandon with the sole focus of success being getting that of the coveted phone number.

While getting the digits is a necessary skill to progressing from the initial meet up to that of substance, many put the sole focus on specifically that: the number.  While it may feel like a markedly successful night heading home with a fist full of numbers, you’ll soon realize that which most of us have known which is “numbers don’t mean shit”.

Now don’t get me wrong.  Unless you’re going home with the woman or know you’ll run into her again, the number is a necessary evil to continue the interaction.  The challenge is making sure said number is gold as opposed to pyrite destoying the chances of ever seeing her again.

So how can a coveted and hard worked for number suddenly become fools gold?  Here are the landmines you’re hoping to avoid.

1) The number is fake
2) The number is real, but you end up in voice mail hell as she never answers the phone
3) She answers the phone and doesn’t even know who you are
4) She answers the phone and suddenly blows you off
5) Many times 3 and 4 eventually result in voice mail hell

Voice Mail Hell: the undesirable situation where you have a genuine number from a girl you met however no matter when you call or text you are rewarded with absolutely no response whatsoever.  You attempt to leave increasingly witty and non-needy voicemail/txts with nothing to show but wasted time and a bruised ego.

I’m sure everyone has been in this painful situation of quickly realizing your attempts are futile and finally giving up.  She must be a bitch you proclaim for leading you along like a dog to a treat, only to have it snatched away forever and your whimpers unheard.  “How could she do this to me?  What did I do wrong?  Hell, why does this always happen?” you’ll likely ask.

What if I told you that there are dozens of factors resulting in this nothingness of a number, many of which began the moment you approached her up until the point of getting the number?  Falsity? Think again!  You very well might be sabotaging yourself from the start and not even aware of it.

Before we get into the intricacies of making a number golden, we need to look at the leading factors of them not working in the first place.  The reasoning behind women giving out their number with reckless abandon might very well shock you and more importantly make no sense to the male mind.  You’d expect she’s giving you the digits because she likes you, however more likely than not it’s so she never has to hear from you again.

The Fake Number

When alcohol and egos combine, man has an amazing ability to become ignorant to hints and unbelieving to directness.  Most times a guy is approaching said woman in a bar to make the moves and eventually get her number.  Women are well aware of this.  Being shot down many times can lead into plowing wherein the guy continues his attempts until he is either successful or slapped.  Contrary to popular belief most women aren’t complete bitches, and while wanting to be left alone won’t turn into a raging psychopath to thwart your advances.  They assume you’ll get the hint and when you don’t they are in fact backed into a very uncomfortable corner.  Either she has show her claws until you get the hint or can just give you a number knowing you’ll merrily go on your way.

In her shoes which is the path of least resistance?  She gives you a fake number, you feel you won her over and in reality she’s just shot you down completely unaware.

Maybe you weren’t plowing, maybe you were genuine, however because of past experience she made a snap judgement call and gave you a fake number.  Could this had been avoided?  Yes and we’ll cover that later.

She Never Answers the Phone

Why would a woman give you her real number yet never answer the phone?  You’d be surprised to find out it’s very possibly the same exact reason I mentioned above.  My sisters along with many female friends have admitted to giving out their number to a guy simply to end the interaction.  It’s easier than shooting them down and so long as they don’t answer the phone they’ll never have to worry about talking to them again.  Why not give a fake number instead?  Making up a fake number can be difficult and many times the guy will call them right there to ensure he got it right.  You’d think this was a smart move on his part, however now they can save that number as “Douche #3″ and avoid answering it until the guy gives up.  Simple yet effective.

She Answers Yet Doesn’t know who you are

The transition from meeting the women at the bar to talking to her in a few days has many pitfalls, one of which is she’ll completely forget who you are.  First impression is everything however it doesn’t guarantee a lasting one.  You very well might have been one of many men she met over the weekend and because of a short or forgettable interaction you never seriously piqued her interest or were quickly forgettable.  If you had a quick conversation prior to grabbing her number and ejecting she has no reason to differentiate you from the other suitors of the weekend.  Because of the fact you never moved from flirting to a more serious level you remain a distant memory of an alcohol fueled evening.  Saving face at this point is difficult if not impossible because if she wasn’t left intrigued and looking forward to your call, it’s less likely you’ll be able to reignite said flame over the phone and get her to commit to a date with someone she can’t even remember.

She Answers and Blows you Off

This one can be difficult to telegraph and sometimes impossible to save.  Many times women go out for a fun evening with their friends and after a few drinks the night turns into a blur.  Worse she loses inhibition and does something she wouldn’t normally and when sobering up regrets the night.  No matter how great of an impression you might have made, if she considers the previous night a regret, you suddenly are balled up with it.  You might had been the best thing going for her that night, but had she had a moment turning that evening into a regrettable night you can very well get lobbed in there.  Embarrassment is something many women can’t handle gracefully and it’s many times easier to write and entire evening or weekend off then try and find the diamond in the rough.

So there you have it.  The many ways a phone number can quickly dematerialize into a wasted effort and a introspective of what you might have done wrong.  While even the best of us can run into these hurdles there are key moves one can use to diminish the likelihood of these number turning into flakes.

Check back next article where I’ll lay out an easy to follow method to make sure any number you get at a bar is as solid as possible resulting in as many follow-up interactions as possible.

Approach Excuses (aka Anxiety)

September 10th, 2009 by Broadband

The number one barrier that prevents guys from talking with/meeting/dating hot chicks is this very real mental barricade called approach anxiety.  Simply put it is the inability caused by fear to approach the opposite sex especially when the motives are for that of a sexual or relationalship basis.

Not all guys have approach anxiety. But most do.  Some guys are comfortable going up to people they don’t know and talking to them while the rest exhibit “deer in the headlight” experiences every time they try.

This inability to act is something that must be overcome by most anyone who wants to be successful in life.  While men use this as an excuse not to approach a women, most often times they forcefully blow past it when the need arises.  Been job hunting?  Tried telemarketing?  Ever applied for a tuition?  How about simply put renting a new apartment or buying a new house?  Each one of these decisions requires focus and desire and drive to make it happen.  What happens if you clam up and refuse to talk to the hiring director at a potential job.  How about claiming up during a sales appointment or telemarketing call?  If a dean is offering you a free scholarship are you too scared to enter his office and explain why you are deserving?  Rarely if ever!

It’s funny, with  most expectations in life we do the required to survive, thrive and most importantly make that shit happen.  Guys claim that meeting women is one of their top goals in life….well if that’s the case the why the hell are you willing to go on a job interview with a complete stranger yet you won’t approach a complete strange in public?  Social stigmata perhaps, but either way the honest truth is, as much as you try to lie to yourself, you don’t equate finding a date nearly in the vicinity of importance of getting a job, a house or any of the other daily life that requires you to suck it up.

So that that said and a little humility on your part lets work on subduing that anxiety   It’s not a cure and in most cases it’ll flare back up like a bad case of herpes.  Eventually you’ll get better at blowing by it quickly, but even the greatest still deal with it on a daily basis.

Let’s assume it’s a weekend and you’re on your way downtown to meet up with some friends and as much as you’ve pre-partied and prepared you still have that lingering feeling of approach anxiety.  Here’s what you can do!

The Drive

While listening to exciting beat pounding music might put you in the right mindset, in most cases you’ll be starting from level one when you make your approach.  How can you improve your chances to be over this anxiety before getting downtown?

Instead of listening to your favorite track or singing along to “Girls just want to have fun” there is a a much better solution.  Think of a family member or friend you haven’t talked to in awhile but always get great conversation out of.  Now give them a call and on the drive downtown just shoot the shit with them which will calibrate you to being in a more laid back and social mood.  Talk about anything!  It doesn’t really matter the subject so long as you’re talking and keeping a conversation going.  Just think….you’re killing two birds with one stone.  Initially you’re talking to someone you haven’t connected with in a few days, weeks or months and more importantly you’re being social and socially calibrating yourself.

When you finally get downtown park a few blocks away from your first venue.

The Voyage to your first Venue

Parking a few blocks away from your first locale is very important.  You’ve had the opportunity to begin your social calibration over the phone, however this was with someone you were well acquainted to and didn’t require much effort beyond the initial call.

Now your evening is situated in that of talking to complete strangers, especially women, so you have to step things up if you want to be anxiety free by the time you’re ready to begin!

Since you have situated yourself a few blocks from your intended venue, your next goal is to make small talk with 3-5 random strangers on your way there.  This doesn’t have to be single women or women at all, just start some conversation!  Do you have the time?  Do you happen to know which way Henry’s is?  Wow this weather was a little unexpected.  Whatever the topic, make it your goal to converse briefly with as many individuals you can on your way to the venue.  Anxiety should be low because you will most likely never see that stranger again tonight,  you are asking an innocent question, and most importantly you’re on a mission so their approval or lack thereof shouldn’t affect you at all!.

Reaching your Venue

You finally made it and hopefully you’ve talked with some complete strangers on the way.  Bum, business man, bicycle taxi….it doesn’t matter.  You made several conversational openers all backed by your initial phone call from a good friend while still in the car.  You’re ready to do this!

Things are starting to get serious.  If it’s later in the evening you’re expecting to start throwing your game very soon, however there is still a little more calibration needed to ensure you have very little, if any approach anxiety when you hit on your first target.

Approaching the club, be overly friendly with the door men and staff.  This is beneficial to you for two reasons.  First, you’re opening another individual and more importantly if you hit his venue consistently then most likely this is an individual you will want to be in good favor with.  Ask him about the evening, how his week has been….anything!  Yes he might be the key to your entrance into the club, however, he is also a human being and the same social principals apply.  Be friendly and who knows maybe you’ll be passing the line before you know it!

Inside the Club

There are two things you need to do once inside the club to ensure the complete destruction of anxiety for the night an also to make sure you set yourself up for potential social situations.

Find the nearest bar you would like to set as your homebase and approach the bartender working there.  You don’t need to drink, but more importantly you are trying to open dialog and get a name so later you don’t seem like a stranger.  Order something…..anything…..and then tip well.  This ensures you will be remembered, well liked and most importantly when you bring a girl to the bar you look like you are important.  Hell, many times I’ll just order a water and tip well.  They notice and they will appreciate!

Finally, with all said and done you need to start hitting on women.  While our goal was to remove all approach anxiety it’s likely there is still some.  Take this opportunity to approach 3 sets of any nature.  Mixed, multiple women, whatever!  The goal here is to acquaintance yourself with approaching and taking with women blindly to defeat whatever remainders of approach anxiety you have.  Don’t set any expectations but to have a interesting brief discussions.  Don’t worry you can always come back!  Additionally starting these sets early sets yourself apart from the other Chads at the bar given the fact that you are social, sometimes daring and most importantly not phased by bullshit social norm.

After these sets you should be fully acquainted and warmed up with very little to no approach anxiety.  This entire process took whatever time in the car which was unavoidable and perhaps and additional 20-30 minutes.

Now with no fear and playing off your previous successes….go have a wonderful if not amazing night!  Just don’t be afraid if you have to start all over tomorrow.  This isn’t something that vanishes in a day, week or even months!

Winning Time – The Best Time to Meet Women

July 21st, 2009 by Broadband

Many of my friends have a false belief that night game should only be attempted during the peak of the evening.  Refusing to go out on a weeknight and instead only during weekends when the clubs are packed and the women are appropriately liquored up.  They feel their best chance to find multiples of quality sets is only in a situation such as this where the supposed opportunities are endless.   In short they believe that (more people = more women) and while this usually is true, they forget about taking the male to female ratio into perspective.

There is no bigger factor that will impact a man’s night game success more than the male/female ratio of the venue he attends.  While the competition might be a joke, one truth is the women will be hit on much more often and at times with little if any breathing room between approaches from their would be suitors.  This creates a number of problems.

Self-Esteem
The typical person in a club has a self-esteem that directly relates to the success they are having that night.  While us men might feel unstoppable after a few great sets, similarly women feel the same way when they’ve been approached many times.  They have a socially programmed belief that they should be a princess and/or a trophy and as their self-esteem rises so does their expectations of both the interaction and the individual making the approach.  She is more likely to test the waters and push for the best deal she can get by rejecting many early advances for the possibility of a better prospect opening her later in the night.  In retrospect a woman who is oft ignored throughout the evening tends to lower her expectations while desperation sets in.  This is why it becomes so easy to seduce a woman near closing time.

Bitch Shield
Similarly as a woman endures more and more lame approaches her tolerance to bad lines and pointless small talk begins to diminish.  While she might at first been in the most socially outgoing and friendly mood, after the myriad of attention seeking men overwhelm her, the only thing she can do is put up her bitch shield to filter and deflect the seemingly endless approaches.  What this means for you is a much more difficult approach having to disarm her before the interaction can truly begin.

Game Killer
The final issue we run into is with such a low supply to demand, many tactics can no longer be utilized.  Things like jealousy plot lines, pawning and general indifference to her won’t work with dozens of other guys hovering around to jump in at any opportunity.

Guy/Girl Ratio

This onslaught of competition creates a frustrating situation where the typical solution is to either man up, venue change or just avoid night game all together.  While all these ideas can work there is a very simple mechanic called “winning time” that can be properly utilized to avoid the above situation entirely.

Winning Time: the time at the venue from when the crowd first develops until there are considerably more men than ladies.  From about 8pm til 11pm there tend to be more girls in a club than guys, and this is your time to shine.  Once the other men have shown up, well, Winning Time is over.

I’ve been asked many times how this is the case and more importantly why women tend to go out in the earlier hours when compared to men.

Simply put women are extremely social creatures and unlike men when hitting the town they often have no agenda besides mingling with their close friends.  Because of this they are more likely to start the night earlier during happy hour and continue from there.  Even most bachelorette parties I’ve seen tend to already be out before the sun is down.  In comparison most men have a specific plan of attack.  This includes pre-partying, choosing the perfect venue and spending the least amount of time and effort to get laid.

What else can I do to leverage winning time to my advantage?

  1. Avoid venues that utilize major promoters/advertising such as an Absolute Twisted Night
  2. Clubs with events such as Devils and Angels, Lingerie Party, Cover Girl Search, Mud Wrestling, etc will guarantee  an endless onslaught of douches.
  3. The cheaper the beer promotion the more drunk frat boys you can expect.
  4. Go out on the weeknights
  5. Plan to venue change or be at comfort/rapport with a solid set before winning time is over.