Blast from my Past

November 10th, 2010 by Broadband

This is the beginning of a monthly installment I’d like to coin “Blast from my Past”.  While I’ve been part of the community since 2002 I’ve been a lurker on the majority of forums related to the subject.  I did however engage in posting for a short while back in the day and figured I’d open the archives for your enjoyment.

These posts are unedited and follow the short time line in which I was most vocal.  Today I’d like to supply you with my very first post when I recently ended a relationship and realized I had no game and was a complete AFC.  I supply this as an example that I too was in the shoes of many and only through hard work and determination was I able to claw my way out of desperation to my eventual success with women.  Expect this post to be sophomoric and don’t just past me too harshly.  Enjoy!

Title: Bye Bye AFC
Date: 3/30/2002

I’m 20 and I’ve been an AFC all my life. I have excelled in just about everything I do except for women. Being the perfectionist that I am I always looked at the few flaws that I did have rather then all the great features. I would think that I was too tall, too skinny, not good looking enough, and not up to the standards of most women. What made this really tough is that I have very high standards, so all the women that I would be attracted to I always thought were out of my league.

Over the past few months I have been frequenting these forums, listening to Tom Leykis, and Ross Jeffries. Every resource has the same advice. Be confident, be the **** and don’t put up with crap. Deep inside I believed this however I didn’t have the strength to act on it.

Just recently I got out of a terrible relationship with a horrible woman who took advantage of my AFCness from the start. Fortunately I became less and less willing to become used and in the end she dumped me because I wasn’t putting up with any of her crap anymore. A revelation.

Ever since then I have been trying to find the secret of being a DJ. Posts say that you need to just do it, but it seemed too tough. I was looking for the surefire answer that would fix everything without me having to do any work or risk. I never found it. Everything required me to become confident, suck it up, and just do it and I wasn’t willing to…I wanted an easier way. Unfortunately there is no other way.

I just got back from a business conference where they had this motivational speaker. He focused on getting out of your comfort zones, taking risks, and getting what you want. He said that the biggest obstacle for all of us is the 6 inches between out ears. It was SO TRUE. All these tactics were so simple but the one thing that was stopping me was myself. We had a goal writing session and I made a goal that I would drop my AFC mindset here and now.

Two days later I hit a club that I normally frequent. I use to go to that club on average twice a month for a year. Over that entire time I would say I danced with 6 women and didn’t get a single number. So I get into this club and my AFC mindset is forcing itself back into me. It prevented me from ever applying the 3 second rule that night which really hurt my game, but fortunately my conscious mind wanted it so much that I was able to shut it up and hopefully for good. Now that my background is out of the way (i’m sure alot of you can relate) here is what happened.

I was having fun talking to all the bouncers and having a great time at the club. I love music, I love dancing so even if i don’t succeed I can still go home saying I had a great time. Now I was on the dance floor and there were ALOT of women I wanted to dance with. Unfortunately I didn’t think I had the skill to approach them so I didn’t. One girl caught my interest because of her uniqueness. She had short pink hair that was chin length, and was wearing a very tight outfit. She wasn’t goth, just different. My curiosity really wanted to meet this girl however my AFCness didn’t know how, so I kept dancing alone on the floor. (Hang on it gets better)  After getting tired and losing my friend I got in line for the bathroom. This pink hair hottie makes her way to the bar and orders a drink and walks over by herself to enjoy it. I fight myself and decide I’ll make a move while keeping my AFC happy. I get out of line and grab a drink myself and drink it next to this girl, there is a table infront of us. Now I stood there for about a minute then forced myself to say hi, and believe me it was hard. Fortunately she was VERY receptive and we started a great conversation. She was into marketing and promotion like myself and actually did club promotion as well. I was so suprised. I talked awhile longer and then asked for her number…this was the first time I think i’ve ever asked a girl for her number, and I got it with absolutely no hesitation. Talk about excitement. Her friends show up and after meeting them I head back to the dance floor so it looks like I’m a busy guy. Success #1.

A little later I am desperately seeking my friend as I want to gloat about my number (i know I’m a jerk), but I couldn’t find him anywhere. I didn’t want to go dancing anymore, but I didn’t want to look like a loner. I looked around for a single girl I could talk to and unfortunately most of the girls were with guys. My best option was a table with 4 girls sitting at it. They scored 6,7,8, and 9. I grabbed a chair next to where I was standing because I was going to go sit with them and I started my 3 count. Well my AFC kicked in and tried to tell me all the things that could go wrong. Well I already had more success then I ever had, so even if I were to get shot down I still ended up ahead. So after 20 seconds I grabbed my chair and headed over. They could see I was approaching them from 10 feet away, but I kept my cool, approached them and planted my chair right at the table, sat, and then asked if they didn’t mind my company. Every single one of them said I was welcome to sit with them! I explained I was waiting for my friend and that I didn’t want to lose him so I thought I’d sit down and watch for him. We chatted for a little bit I got to know their names, quickly forgot them but kept the conversation light. I managed to talk to every one of them but including them in the conversation one way or the other and making sure I made eye contact with every one of them and asked each specific questions. Talk about smooth!


Now after about 5 minutes of chatter 2 of the girls decided to get up to go dance (the 7 and 9). I was debating on going with them, but I was too lazy and stayed with the other two. After a little more conversation I found out that this was the first time they went clubbing all year because of their college schedule. They also made it clear that they didn’t like the meat market feel of the club and they would rather not dance then to be groped and touched by all the guys. Now this is where my nice guy fit in perfectly. I told them that I would be more then willing to escort them to the floor and keep them safe from the riff raft.To make the more appealing I told them I knew the bouncers and I could get any guy kicked out that wouldn’t leave them alone. Their fear was gone and I grabbed them both by the hand and took them to their friends on the dance floor.

While on the dance floor I kept applying my nice guy tactic since I can’t be a jerk. One of the girls was getting forced out of our little dance circle so i reached my hand out and pulled her back in. She was grateful. Later this one guy starts dancing with the 8 who wasn’t dancing earlier because she didn’t like that. I could tell in her face she was very uncomfortable so i reached my hand out to save her, but she didn’t grab it. Not wanting to be dancing alone I grabbed the 9 and danced with her. A few minutes later the guy leaves so I tell the girl he was dancing with that next time all she had to do was grab my hand to be saved.  Sure enough a few minutes later the guy comes back with a friend and they both start dancing with her. She absolutely hates it so I reach out grab her hand and dance with her. She was very grateful.

To make this long story a little shorter I’ll cut to the chase. We stopped dancing and went back to sit down and I got every girls number in that group. Granted they were all roomates, not one of them was opposed to the idea and all of them made sure I knew their names before I left.

So I was at the club for 2 hours and walked home with numbers from 5 girls. Later that evening I noticed that I didn’t get rejected once the entire time! See, I had so much potential, I just needed the confidence to use it and when I did awesome things happened.

I hope this helps some of you AFCs transform like I did and look at some of the tactics I applied. I wasn’t a jerk, but I didn’t allow the girls to walk over me. I’m hitting a new club tonight and I’m hoping to have similar if not better results.

I think this is a prime example that even a lovable loser like myself can have some success if he just applies himself and puts in the effort.  While I’ll be the first to point out how pathetic I was the fact I pushed through self doubt was the difference between making and breaking that evening.  I laugh to think I’d leave a bathroom line to talk to a girl and instead of getting down to business I instead grab a drink and hover around her for over a minute before making a move.  Unlike my determined approach of the table this is a prime way lower your value and raise the creep factor by avoiding the approach and instead making things awkward no matter how good your intentions.

On a site note this post was before Mystery, before “The Game” and even a real community.  You probably noticed the term DJ and that stood for Don Juan which has since been replaced with the more popular Pick-up Artist term.  The only resources I had besides this forum was NLP speed seduction from Ross Jeffries which I now realize to be a load of crap and the nationally syndicated Tom Leykis show.  While the night was a success and I thought I made huge strides, in reality my journey was just beginning and I still had much practice before I’d see any real success.

Shortly after this post I ended up dating a girl I met through  She was 19, a model and surprisingly lived just up the street from me.  We dated for almost two years and because of that my practice of game came to a crawl.  Fortunately because of her lack of drinking age I had free reign to hit the bars with my friends so my game wasn’t entirely dead.

In the next installment of “Blast from my Past” I realize that nice guys finish last and being blunt is a good thing.

Wingman Down

November 4th, 2010 by Broadband

Wingman – a term that seems to have been around since the beginning of time, however it’s much more recent then one would expect.  The 1986 film Top Gun is often credited with bringing the term into popular usage, although it wasn’t until the 1996 film Swingers that the term became popularized as a description of social interaction.  It’s been inserted so deeply into popular culture that now everyone knows what it is, but very few know what it entails.

While I’d love to school you on the proper working relationship of wingmen, that’ll have to wait as I’ve been dealing with a situation with one of my own requiring immediate action.

First some history.  I was fortunate enough when I moved back from Denver to find that my previous wingman was newly single and ready for the prowl.  This made getting back into the Portland game quite quick and adventitious as there was no need to go out alone and more importantly we’d already the experience and chemistry to make things work.

Over the past year we’ve been going out constantly and had considerable success.  The one problem we faced like many Americans has been the fleeting economy, finding enjoyable employment, and the overall lackluster feeling of success and control of our lives.  This manifested itself into a very real felling of disillusionment and because of it many times we would wave off going out or when we did, not be in the correct state of mind to garner real success.

Things improved over the Summer and as of this fall the cards were falling back into place with numbers, multiple kiss closes and great dates.  While you’d think this type of success would motivate one to work harder, for my wingman it has done the exact opposite.  He’s had more success in recent months than I can remember however his enthusiasm has subsided considerably.

This brings me to today.  My friend has recently quit his job in hopes of finding his calling and thanks to ample savings can make this choice without serious immediate risk.  He’s suddenly found himself with more time than he knows to do with and wants to see a positive change in most aspects of his life, one of which is dating.  You’d think taking advantage of all this new found freedom with consistent focus and determination would be a given, however it remains just as it was before.  Pulling wisdom teeth at times seems easier than coaxing my wing to come downtown.  Perhaps it’s depression, lack of motivation or male PMS but as time continues it becomes progressively more difficult to get him consistently out even on a Friday or Saturday.

You’ve heard the term that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink?  Well recently I can’t even lead this damn horse to the water.  It’s my belief that you can’t help those who don’t want help and unfortunately I’ve realized that might be the current situation with my wing.

I made one last attempt this afternoon inviting him on possibly the last 70 degree day in months to First Thursday downtown.  His one word response, “No…”

Perhaps it’s time I go back to flying solo.  I prefer involving others, but who am I faking…..I do much better solo than I have with even the best of wings and believe me I’ve had dozens.