Theory

In sex, happiness hinges on keeping up with your peers

April 16th, 2013 by Broadband

News flash, science has how supported the notion that happiness directly correlates to whether you are having sex and more importantly if you are having less than those around you, both in your peer group and surrounding community of competition.

A study by the University of Boulder Colorado has found:

Using national survey data and statistical analyses, Wadsworth found that people reported steadily higher levels of happiness as they reported steadily higher sexual frequency. But he also found that even after controlling for their own sexual frequency, people who believed they were having less sex than their peers were unhappier than those who believed they were having as much or more than their peers.

“There’s an overall increase in sense of well-being that comes with engaging in sex more frequently, but there’s also this relative aspect to it,” he said. “Having more sex makes us happy, but thinking that we are having more sex than other people makes us even happier.”

One could say this is true in other areas of life such as income, wealth, profession or social circle. While I agree, one’s ability to attract and ultimately win over desirable women is a concentrate of all aspects of one’s self. Society and experience has taught us that these women worth pursuing put a higher value and are more stringent on those they would share a bed with than your run of the mill woman.

After controlling for many other factors, including income, education, marital status, health, age, race and other characteristics, respondents who reported having sex at least two to three times a month were 33 percent more likely to report a higher level of happiness than those who reported having no sex during the previous 12 months.

The happiness effect appears to rise with frequency. Compared to those who had no sex in the previous year, those reporting a once-weekly frequency were 44 percent more likely to report a higher level of happiness. Those reporting having sex two to three times a week are 55 percent more likely to report a higher level of happiness.

Many in the community state that you should put personal growth above the pursuit of women. While this has its merits as we aren’t putting them on a pedestal  the lack of concerted effort to obtain a healthy sexual life can cause as much unhappiness as one who has been unemployed for months/years and unable to pay the bills.

Assuming this area of ones life will resolve itself over time does nothing but offer a false sense of eventual happiness while going through life in the present unhappy, unfulfilled and missing something.

Phone Number Hell

January 27th, 2011 by Broadband

Many new to the dating scene hit the bars with abandon with the sole focus of success being getting that of the coveted phone number.

While getting the digits is a necessary skill to progressing from the initial meet up to that of substance, many put the sole focus on specifically that: the number.  While it may feel like a markedly successful night heading home with a fist full of numbers, you’ll soon realize that which most of us have known which is “numbers don’t mean shit”.

Now don’t get me wrong.  Unless you’re going home with the woman or know you’ll run into her again, the number is a necessary evil to continue the interaction.  The challenge is making sure said number is gold as opposed to pyrite destoying the chances of ever seeing her again.

So how can a coveted and hard worked for number suddenly become fools gold?  Here are the landmines you’re hoping to avoid.

1) The number is fake
2) The number is real, but you end up in voice mail hell as she never answers the phone
3) She answers the phone and doesn’t even know who you are
4) She answers the phone and suddenly blows you off
5) Many times 3 and 4 eventually result in voice mail hell

Voice Mail Hell: the undesirable situation where you have a genuine number from a girl you met however no matter when you call or text you are rewarded with absolutely no response whatsoever.  You attempt to leave increasingly witty and non-needy voicemail/txts with nothing to show but wasted time and a bruised ego.

I’m sure everyone has been in this painful situation of quickly realizing your attempts are futile and finally giving up.  She must be a bitch you proclaim for leading you along like a dog to a treat, only to have it snatched away forever and your whimpers unheard.  “How could she do this to me?  What did I do wrong?  Hell, why does this always happen?” you’ll likely ask.

What if I told you that there are dozens of factors resulting in this nothingness of a number, many of which began the moment you approached her up until the point of getting the number?  Falsity? Think again!  You very well might be sabotaging yourself from the start and not even aware of it.

Before we get into the intricacies of making a number golden, we need to look at the leading factors of them not working in the first place.  The reasoning behind women giving out their number with reckless abandon might very well shock you and more importantly make no sense to the male mind.  You’d expect she’s giving you the digits because she likes you, however more likely than not it’s so she never has to hear from you again.

The Fake Number

When alcohol and egos combine, man has an amazing ability to become ignorant to hints and unbelieving to directness.  Most times a guy is approaching said woman in a bar to make the moves and eventually get her number.  Women are well aware of this.  Being shot down many times can lead into plowing wherein the guy continues his attempts until he is either successful or slapped.  Contrary to popular belief most women aren’t complete bitches, and while wanting to be left alone won’t turn into a raging psychopath to thwart your advances.  They assume you’ll get the hint and when you don’t they are in fact backed into a very uncomfortable corner.  Either she has show her claws until you get the hint or can just give you a number knowing you’ll merrily go on your way.

In her shoes which is the path of least resistance?  She gives you a fake number, you feel you won her over and in reality she’s just shot you down completely unaware.

Maybe you weren’t plowing, maybe you were genuine, however because of past experience she made a snap judgement call and gave you a fake number.  Could this had been avoided?  Yes and we’ll cover that later.

She Never Answers the Phone

Why would a woman give you her real number yet never answer the phone?  You’d be surprised to find out it’s very possibly the same exact reason I mentioned above.  My sisters along with many female friends have admitted to giving out their number to a guy simply to end the interaction.  It’s easier than shooting them down and so long as they don’t answer the phone they’ll never have to worry about talking to them again.  Why not give a fake number instead?  Making up a fake number can be difficult and many times the guy will call them right there to ensure he got it right.  You’d think this was a smart move on his part, however now they can save that number as “Douche #3″ and avoid answering it until the guy gives up.  Simple yet effective.

She Answers Yet Doesn’t know who you are

The transition from meeting the women at the bar to talking to her in a few days has many pitfalls, one of which is she’ll completely forget who you are.  First impression is everything however it doesn’t guarantee a lasting one.  You very well might have been one of many men she met over the weekend and because of a short or forgettable interaction you never seriously piqued her interest or were quickly forgettable.  If you had a quick conversation prior to grabbing her number and ejecting she has no reason to differentiate you from the other suitors of the weekend.  Because of the fact you never moved from flirting to a more serious level you remain a distant memory of an alcohol fueled evening.  Saving face at this point is difficult if not impossible because if she wasn’t left intrigued and looking forward to your call, it’s less likely you’ll be able to reignite said flame over the phone and get her to commit to a date with someone she can’t even remember.

She Answers and Blows you Off

This one can be difficult to telegraph and sometimes impossible to save.  Many times women go out for a fun evening with their friends and after a few drinks the night turns into a blur.  Worse she loses inhibition and does something she wouldn’t normally and when sobering up regrets the night.  No matter how great of an impression you might have made, if she considers the previous night a regret, you suddenly are balled up with it.  You might had been the best thing going for her that night, but had she had a moment turning that evening into a regrettable night you can very well get lobbed in there.  Embarrassment is something many women can’t handle gracefully and it’s many times easier to write and entire evening or weekend off then try and find the diamond in the rough.

So there you have it.  The many ways a phone number can quickly dematerialize into a wasted effort and a introspective of what you might have done wrong.  While even the best of us can run into these hurdles there are key moves one can use to diminish the likelihood of these number turning into flakes.

Check back next article where I’ll lay out an easy to follow method to make sure any number you get at a bar is as solid as possible resulting in as many follow-up interactions as possible.

Mermaid Theory

December 9th, 2010 by Broadband

One of my favorite sit-com shows is “How I Met Your Mother” and since it’s inception I have been labeled as “Barney” by my friends, family and even random women that I’ve met at the bar.  While I take it as a compliment, more importantly the show has interesting theories that while written for entertainment deep down have some truth to them.

This past week’s episode speaks upon the “Mermaid Theory.”  Simply put the idea is that mermaids never existed.  Men were sailing at sea for so long that manatees (eg. ugly women) eventually turned into mermaids after enough time and desperation.  After being stuck months at sea with a boat full of seamen (he he) one would eventually pervert a manatee into a hot looking mermaid.

Now enough history.  Beckoned into present time the idea evolved that a man after a meeting a woman, no matter how ugly she may be, will eventually at some point become attractive to him.  While hilarious in its own right, it does have some merit.

First we’ll explore the obvious intended situation.  You meet a woman who is married, dating your friend, a significant other of a sibling or a work associate and because of social boundaries you refuse to observe them for more than their platonic relationship to you.  You have no desire or interest in them however if they are a woman, at some point the timer runs out and you see them for what they are.  A member of the opposite sex who is suddenly intriguing and your “Oh Shit!” meter goes off.  You still for whatever the situation can’t or shouldn’t hit on them but unfortunately this manatee is now a mermaid.

What is briefly touched on is the god awful beer goggle effect.  When you’ve known someone of the opposite sex for months or even years, but when the alcohol is included suddenly they go from a never would, to a maybe should.

While many people go out on the weekends with drinks in hand, many times they don’t realize that exact decision could be sending them on the path of never should.  While booze is the social lubricant of social life many times the combination of drunken desperation and rose colored beer goggles makes this situation pervert into a regrettable evening.

I’m not judging the merits nor the morals of the decision, it is surprising to see this theory in both a sober and drunken perspective.  In short the title you’ve given someone you’ve know for days, weeks or months might seem ludicrous in the possible thrusts of passion and very well could be… in the end you need to realize that this mermaid will very quickly be a manatee again with only tears of situational regret.

Be still, stay strong and realize your initial impression may be the correct one.

How to you get past this possible ground shattering realization?  Dress up, go out and move on.